


Rises and Falls of Unruly Hearts

by PlutoApologist



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Gay Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Lot of OCs in this sorry not sorry, gay conversion camps mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 09:04:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17180030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlutoApologist/pseuds/PlutoApologist
Summary: Emma and Alyssa have broken up since the fateful prom but their feelings and memories of it linger. How will they cope with the consequences of being in the spotlight and influencing other people? Will they ever get back together?





	Rises and Falls of Unruly Hearts

T-minus three and a half hours till Alyssa had to face her mom. Fucking great. And if she was lucky someone would recognize her in the airport as that gay kid who couldn’t go the prom. She kept scrolling through Instagram, not daring to look at the time on her phone. If she looked at it then her conscience would push her out of bed and out of the stairs of her dorm. A quiet knock signaled her to her roommate at her door. She tried as hard as she could to use force to push her roommate out the door, but eventually sighed and looked up with a weary smile.  
“Hey, Alyssa! I’m heading out for break now, just thought I’d want to let you know.” She took a cautious step inside Alyssa’s room. Her roommate looked much too cheery for a Friday morning.   
Her roommate, Kate, had never told her that she knew her from the stories about the prom, but she didn’t have to. The way she constantly looked at her with a mixture of awe, shock, and timidity and tiptoed around her like Alyssa walked on air was enough of a clue.   
Kate trailed her hand on the chipped paint on the wall, sending a tiny piece of it to the wall. Kate quickly glanced at her desk and then down at her feet again. Alyssa put her phone down and prepared herself for an obligatory ‘hey, I may have outed myself in public in front of my entire school and my mom, but I really have no idea on how to help you’. 

“I have to be honest,” Kate sighed. “I learned about you from the article in the paper. The one about the prom.” Alyssa couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I was pretty sure me winning the debate championship in sixth grade wasn’t that interesting to you,” Alyssa chuckled, rubbing her hands together to see if there was any sign of sweat. Kate awkwardly shifted and laughed quietly under her breath. 

“Yeah, um, I was just wondering did you stay with Emma?” Alyssa inhaled sharply, clutching the blankets near her. “Because you were the first lesbian couple, I’d really heard of outside of me and ex-girlfriend - “Kate took a deep breath and Alyssa jumped in before the conversation became more of a train wreck. 

“I get that you can relate to me, but I’m so sick of that following me everywhere and- “Alyssa said through gritted teeth, looking down at her knotted hands. Something broke in her and when she looked up, her eyes were welling up with tears. “And I don’t even know how to help! I was thrust into the spotlight and everybody is depending on me and my relationship. I didn’t ask for this.”

“Oh shit,” Kate murmured under her breath. She dropped her suitcase and tentatively sat on the edge of the bed next to Alyssa. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I shouldn’t have asked. I know better than that.”

“Don’t worry. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting it.” Kate started to reply but was cut off by a text alert from Alyssa’s phone. Alyssa smirked sadly, checked her phone and reached for her make up bag. She wiped her eyes sloppily. “Guess what, my mom’s excited to see me. That’s just code for behave and act like I want you to.”

“I think you look great without makeup,” Kate remarked, a blush settling on her cheeks.

“Thanks, but you’re not my mom,” Alyssa said drily, starting to apply her foundation. Kate let the silence come over them like a movie set fog, too fake and unforgiving to give anyone space to breathe. Kate gave Alyssa a warm smile. 

“It’s just I know how you feel. I thought you might want to talk about it or something, but, um if you don’t want to…” Kate fiddled with the sleeves of her jacket and wiped her hands on her jeans. She pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture of her smiling brightly with a girl at a prom in a puffy red dress, holding tight onto her date. “I was at the prom that you and Emma helped organize. The aftermath was a whole other story, but I just wanted you to know how much that meant to people. I didn’t want you to think that we forgot about what you went through.”

It was like the sun was rising inside Alyssa and spreading through her smile. 

“I appreciate it, but I want to put that behind me. I want to actually learn how to help kids like me and have mature relationships, not just high school- “

“You came out to your girlfriend in front of the whole school, you don’t call that mature?”

Alyssa paused doing her makeup to sputter out a half-hearted laugh. Kate cocked her head and shot her a confused look.

“I came out to my mom.”

“You didn’t love Emma?” Kate tentatively questioned. Alyssa’s breath hitched, and it felt like her heart was slipping out of her chest. 

“I don’t-don’t know, after all that happened, everything was so confusing. It wasn’t only us I had to think about, but what everyone else thought-” Alyssa babbled, cutting off her babbling with a definitive snap of her suitcase handle. She let the conversation hang awkwardly and rolled her suitcase with a grunt toward the door. “Well, I really have to go to make the plane. I’ve got to face the mons-I mean my mother eventually. I guess I’ll see you after break.”  
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you we were on the same flight you just left so abruptly. I planned- I was going to- I didn’t mean to get in your way,” Kate lamely finished, nervously rocking on her heels.

“Look it’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting to talk about…everything.” Alyssa looked up from the hideously carpeted airport to Kate’s eyes. If her desperation didn’t show through, the only other thing she could do the show it was to get on her knees and beg. 

“Let’s just talk about normal things then! I wanted to be not only roommates, but friends, you know, and I guess I put you up on a pedestal when really we could have been talking about celebrity crushes this whole time!” Kate squealed. She composed herself, primly crossing her knees and putting her hands on her lap. 

“I guess my celebrity crush is Stephanie Beatriz,” Alyssa said, nervously brushing her hair behind her ear. She couldn’t help but look around and see if anyone had heard her.

Kate’s composure was completely gone, and she looked ready to bounce out of her seat. 

Alyssa resigned herself to unnecessary conversation for the remaining hours before her flight, with a sigh.  
“You are not going to play Bohemian Rhapsody again.”

“Watch me, Nomi,” Emma said, playing the song from her phone with her eyes locked on the other girl. 

“Oh my god, I’m going to turn this car around and leave you- “Emma cut off Nomi with a laugh. She stretched out and put her feet on the dashboard. 

“You know you won’t.” Emma starting drumming on the window and singing along loudly. 

“Fine, you get a pass this time,” Nomi said, rolling her eyes. Emma smirked, but kept singing. “But when you get home, you’ll have to watch out. I might cover your room in sticky notes again.”

“As long as you don’t move everything out of reach again. If you do that again your dead.” Emma pointed an accusatory finger at her. Nomi distractedly pushed her finger away and scanned for the sign that went into the airport. 

They found a space quickly, sending them into the airport for break earlier than anticipated.

“I am so glad I have a gay friend,” Emma sighed, plunking her suitcase down in a hard fought for spot near her gate. “What are the odds that my roommate ended up being gay.”

“Pretty high considering it’s not Indiana, actually.”

“I wish I was high. Oh god, why am I going back to Indiana willingly?” Emma groaned. “I must be going insane. Am I insane?”

“No, because you love your grandma… and your cats……” Nomi bit her lip and then bumped her shoulder. “And Alyssa’s going to be there.”

“I don’t know how I feel about her, you know that. You’re starting to get a little obsessive about us,” Emma chuckled nervously. It was hard to play it cool when the thought of Alyssa made Emma feel warm and heart beat like a drunken marching band.

“You know how much that prom means to me. And it was all because of you and Alyssa. It was the first time I could hold hands with my girlfriend in public. It was the first time I was with people like me- “

“I know- “

“No, you don’t, my parents almost put my girlfriend in danger because of that prom,” Nomi said quietly and intensely, clenching her fists and looking at the floor. “I thought it was safe to come out to my mom afterward and my mom almost told my girlfriend’s family that she was gay. They would have sent her to a conversion camp.”

“I never knew,” Emma said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine for putting my hopes on you. I just want to know that the prom turned out well for someone, in the long run.” Nomi let go of a breath she wasn’t aware she’d been holding and ran her hands through her hair. 

“I’m glad you told me you went to the prom, we probably wouldn’t have talked otherwise,” Emma said sincerely. Nomi took way too long to respond. She wiped her palms on her jeans. Great, she had messed up her only friendship before it had even started. 

“Damn, that’s rude,” Nomi laughed. She met Emma’s eyes after a moment, smiling from her eyes. “I’m glad you I told you too. You turned out to be a great friend.”

A chime from a phone interrupted their moment. Emma glanced down at her phone, still smiling. Her smile instantly died the moment she saw a text.

“Uh oh, is it your parents?”

“‘Hey Emma, if you’ve rethought your decision and realized it’s only temporary, maybe come over dinner some time!’” Emma angrily tried to stuff her phone into a pocket on her backpack with no success. Nomi quickly unzipped the pocket and the phone fell right in.

“Thanks.” Emma took a shaky breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to blow up like that.”

“It’s fine they’re dicks.” Nomi’s mouth quirked, and she poked Emma gently. 

“We’re sister and brother so let’s not be total dicks,” Nomi started in a sing song tone, letting Emma finish.

“Barry really was something. I miss him.” Emma shook her head gently, a smile escaping from the corners of her lips. 

“Yeah,” Nomi mused pulling up a Dodie playlist on YouTube, waving in front of Emma. Emma quickly snapped back to reality. “Want to listen to Dodie?”  
Alyssa couldn’t even concentrate on what her roommate was saying with all the conversations happening around. Everything called out to her senses and drew her attention elsewhere. God, she could do with a nap. Kate poked her, and Alyssa followed her wide eyes to two women waiting by baggage claim behind them. 

“Isn’t that Emma?”

“I-uh- I mean, maybe, I don’t really care,” Alyssa stammered, blushing furiously. She subtly checked her reflection in her phone screen, before casting a quick glance over. Kate looked a little longer than needed, biting her lip. Alyssa jabbed her with her elbow and she finally shifted her gaze back. 

“She’s cute, that’s all,” Kate said, her voice much higher pitched than before. Alyssa rolled her eyes.

“I know that, you don’t have to stare.” Alyssa mumbled. Alyssa blushed and shifted nervously.

“So, you do care,” She gently teased.

“No, I’m just trying to make conversation,” Alyssa excused. 

“All right.” Kate raised an eyebrow, but let it go. 

She bid a quick good bye to Kate and readied herself for battle, bringing up her suitcase handle. She was suddenly thrown off balance by a familiar voice. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, I- “Emma rose her head up to meet Alyssa’s dark brown eyes. Alyssa had to do the best to keep the tide of emotions from short-circuiting her brain. “Alyssa. I didn’t expect to see you.”

She was so used to being next to Emma that it took her a few seconds to step away. She missed Emma’s warmth immediately. Emma’s mouth turned down and a bit of red poked through her hair that Emma shoved in front of her face, or at least Alyssa hoped so. 

“Are you-you’re here for break?” Emma took a bit longer to respond than was uncomfortable. 

“Yep.” They both shifted uncomfortably. Their history hung over them uncomfortably, but eventually Emma gathered up the courage to speak. 

“So, you’re staying at your mom’s?” Emma said, fidgeting with the zipper on her back pack.

“Unfortunately,” Alyssa groaned. Emma had to resist her urge to rub Alyssa’s back and ended up awkwardly pushing her hair back instead. The rest of the world was entirely dead to them. It was refreshing for someone else to be her world instead of focusing on her problems. “Unless you have a spare room at your house.”

Emma blinked, taken aback. 

“I was joking!” Alyssa rushed out. Emma quietly laughed, and Alyssa joined in. Alyssa fiddled with the strap of her backpack, burning too red to look at Emma. “But if you want, we could hang out over break. Remember our old spot in the band closet?”

“Unless some other closeted lesbians have taken it over, then yeah, I’d love to!” Emma beamed and the whole world seem brighter. Alyssa had missed Emma’s infectious smile. Her mom could say the worst things and it would do nothing to dim the joy she got from Emma’s smile. 

“You aren’t dating anyone, are you?” Alyssa winced and closed her eyes. They were getting along so well, and she was going to ruin it. “We just met, and I ask you that, I’m so sorry- “

“It’s fine! I wanted to ask the same thing. I’m not by the way,” Emma said, her voice lowering to an embarrassed mumble. 

“Actually, she’s been stuck on a certain- “Nomi interrupted, but Emma jabbed her side before she could finish.

“Dessert at the cafeteria is what she’s saying. The freshman fifteen didn’t help my dating prospects,” Emma laughed, shooting a menacing glare at Nomi. “This is my roommate, Nomi, by the way. She’s staying with me over the break. Her mom kind of sucks.”

“Oh! This is – “

“Kate,” Nomi breathed. She tried her best to recover, even though her voice was about an octave higher. “I know her from the prom you guys organized. We were dating at the time, but- yeah, I know her.”

Nomi caught Kate staring and they both dropped their gaze to the floor. 

Emma finally noticed her grandma waving at her from nearby stairs. She enthusiastically waved back and grabbed Nomi’s arm. Alyssa couldn’t help but feel hot pangs of jealousy and remember how much she felt she love and belonging when Emma had pulled her into the prom. It was so different from how she had to treasure every hidden touch when they were keeping their relationship secret. 

“Look’s like our ride’s here. You ready?”

“We all just met again, Emma,” Nomi pleaded. 

“You know how my grandma is,” Emma said quietly to Nomi.

“Actually, I was going to ask just Alyssa later, but does anyone have an extra room I could stay at? I said I’d stay with my mom, but I kind of want to die now that it’s actually happening,” Kate asked, grimacing.

“Of course, and you can call me Betsy,” Emma’s grandma said, wrapping a surprised Kate in a hug. Kate hugged back reluctantly and stepped out of the hug, shooting a surprised look at Alyssa. Emma just rolled her eyes and accepted grandma’s hug. 

“Thanks for giving your favorite granddaughter a hug first,” Emma complained into her shoulder. Betsy chuckled and rubbed Emma’s shoulders. Emma sent a helpless glance at Alyssa over her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, will cookies make it up to you. I made the rainbow ones, just for you.” Quietly, Betsy added “Did you parents cause any problems?”

Emma just shrugged. Betsy made a note to talk to her about that later.

“We’d better get going than if you still want them to be warm. Feel free to come over anytime, Alyssa!” Betsy winked at Emma. Alyssa chuckled at Emma dramatically mouthing help at her. Maybe this vacation wasn’t going to be so bad.  
Emma took one last bite of the heavenly cookie. She really shouldn’t have that many, but if it made her grandma happy. She knocked over a photo frame as she went to put her plate away. She quickly fixed, catching her breath when she that it was a photo of her and Alyssa from prom. They were glowing, both from the lights and from their smiles. Alyssa’s head was nestled into Emma’s shoulder and her hair was beginning to lose its curls, but she looked even more beautiful. She sighed into her hand. She would relive that day with Alyssa every day if she could.

After the prom came all the publicity and questions and drama and parents and then…. The breakup. Looking back, why had she ever doubted their relationship? Sure, they weren’t perfect to the world, but to Emma, Alyssa was the best things of her life. She could feel her grandma’s eyes on her back. Emma smirked, knowing her grandma was probably already scheming to get them together again. 

“Grandma, I know you’re there. You don’t need to spy any longer.”

“I wasn’t spying, I was checking in on you.” She sighed and walked heavily over to Emma. “Are you okay? Should I say something to your parents?”

“That’s okay, that’ll just make things worse. I don’t want anyone breaking things.”

“They shouldn’t have broken your guitar. I’m saving up to get you a new one.” Emma looked over with wide eyes. 

“That’s expensive, you don’t have to – “

“I insist. You need to speak to your fans after all.” Betsy brought up Emma’s YouTube channel on her phone, which, though small, was still teeming with positive comments and comments asking for her to write more songs.

“Thanks.” Emma gave her an appreciative smile on the way to the sink. She put her plate in the sink and rubbed her temples. “I think I just need some sleep.”

“Oh, before I forget, two girls came from your school to invite you to a GSA meeting at your old school.” Emma stopped in her tracks and turned slowly.

“GSA? They don’t have a GSA.” Emma crossed her arms. A small fire of jealousy started to burn in her, but she quenched it quickly.

“They do now. I think the girls who started it were called Ruthie and Lilianna. They really wanted you to come. At least think about it.” Emma uncrossed her arms and shrugged her shoulders. 

“I will,” Emma promised, a bitter smile escaping her. “Actually, I could do with something to take my mind off everything. Are you up for a cheesy detective show?”

Emma let the day’s stress melt off as her grandma started to list off everything that had happened since she had watched.  
Alyssa’s house felt just as stifling as before. The constant click of her mom’s heels was no help at all. 

“You know how I feel about this – “

“And you know that I don’t care,” Alyssa cut in. Her mom stopped in her tracks. She could hear her pulse in the long silence her mom left. The air suddenly seemed dirty. “Mom, I’ve told you all that I can tell you. I will stay this way and I’m willing to leave you behind if you can’t learn to change your ways. Emma’s grandma is more than welcoming.”

“I’m older than you, Alyssa, I know things you don’t.” Alyssa tried to walk away, but her mom grabbed Alyssa’s wrist and made eye contact with her. “When I was your age, I saw a lesbian couple get harassed – “

“So, you decided to be like them?!” Alyssa shouted. She grew very quiet again and took her arm out of her mom’s limp wrists. Alyssa’s eyes were threatening to overfill with tears. “Mom, I want us to be close again, but I can only handle so much. I love Emma and you cannot make me be ashamed of that.”

“She left you alone after you everything you went through. I’m still hear, Alyssa.” She rubbed her temples, sinking to a chair and tentatively gestured for Alyssa to sit next to her. Alyssa shook her head strongly.

“Emma feared you and the world. She may act like she isn’t affected, but she is. And if the rest of the world is like you, I can see why,” Alyssa said her voice trembling. She didn’t even bother to wipe the tears that escaped. “I’m going to the GSA meeting with or without your support. I was trying to be honest with you, but if this is going happen every time, it’s not worth it.”

“Alyssa, wait – “

“I’m tired, mom. Goodnight.”  
The room was just small enough to toe the line between cozy and uncomfortable, especially for people to share. Kate pushed her pillow further into the bed. Nomi put down her phone, numbed enough by celebrities’ idyllic photos on Instagram. She rolled over and arched her eyebrows at Kate still adjusting herself.

“You good there?”

“Look, if you’re going to be a dick then I’ll sleep on the floor – “Kate picked up her pillow with a huff and swung her legs out of bed.

“I’m joking,” Nomi said reassuringly. “I know how much you hate sleeping on the floor. Sorry, if it’s too soon for us to be sleeping on the same bed I can ask – “

“I’m just glad you remembered. I though you forgot about me completely,” Kate admitted, swinging her legs back into bed. Nomi looked at her starstruck, only dropping her gaze when she noticed she was being watched. 

“How could I? You were the first girl to write me a poem.”

“It was terrible.” Kate lay flat and covered her face the pillow. The rest came out in a muffled jumbled mess. When she poked her head out of the pillow, Nomi was looking at her quizzically. “I said, it was cheesy and terrible, and you deserved so much better.”

“Better? I wanted to kiss you on the spot right there.” Nomi leaned in, her eyes sparkling. “Besides, you were all I wanted, ever since you were the lead in the musical.”

“I thought you were jealous of me.” Kate leaned in to Nomi.

“I was just jealous of everyone talking to you,” Nomi chuckled. “It felt like you were talking to everyone but me. I couldn’t sleep the night you talked to me at the cast party.”

“Mmmm, all the waiting just made everything else sweeter.” Kate closed the distance between their lips gently, stroking Nomi’s face. It was like she had been jumpstarted back to life. Every touch buzzed on her skin and everything felt like it was moving in slow motion around her. Nothing in her life could top where she was now. This was her Mount Everest. 

Nomi withdrew her lips, leaving her arms around her. 

“You think you’ll be comfortable enough, now?”  
Emma still stiffened coming into the school, feeling the cold blast of the air conditioners and seeing little reminders of the hurt she had suffered, in the benches she had held back tears on, and the trophies of people who made her life hell. 

“Emma, you came! Dee Dee knew you’d come. She said ‘Zazz always comes through’. She was right,” Mr. Hawkins smiled, pointing and starting to lead the way. 

Memories danced in her head as she made her way to where to club was, memories of catching glances in the hallways and leaving letters in lockers and tentatively walking hand in hand. 

“Emma, we’re here.” Mr. Hawkins stopped in front of a door decorated with a small rainbow and colorful GSA sign. “You can go in whenever you’re ready.”

“Thanks Mr. Hawkins. You didn’t have to do this, you know. It must have been hell getting through the PTA.”

“I wouldn’t be a very good role model to Dee Dee if I didn’t follow through,” Mr. Hawkins said with a wink. “Besides, I did have to do this. All those kids that went to your prom needed somewhere safe at school. What kind of principal would I be if I didn’t care about my students?”

Emma smiled gratefully in response and pushed the door open. She was ready. She could handle the pressure. She was greeted by a smothering hug from someone. A female voice next to her laughed and she was released soon after. 

“Lillianna go easy on her. She just got here.” She took the other girls’ hand and extended a hand to Emma. “Sorry, my girlfriend’s really enthusiastic. I’m Ruthie and this Labrador puppy in front of you is Lillianna.”

Emma nervously shook her hand, taken aback by how easily she called the enthusiastic one her girlfriend.

“Girlfriend?” They smiled at each other and Ruthie squeezed Lilliana’s hand. Emma wiped her palm on her jeans. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect anyone else to come out after me. I didn’t even know any other lesbians were from this school.”

“Well, we weren’t the only ones. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still hate in this school but that’s why we created the GSA. So, we could band together.” Ruthie gestured at other couples casually snuggling or holding hands. Emma’s heart warmed, eliminating all remains of jealousy.

“Trent helps too. You should see him when he gets angry,” Lilliana chimed in, her eyes widening. 

“Oh god, he didn’t compose something, did he?. I love him, but – “

“No way. This is all about you!”

“Me?”

“Of course, you were the one who inspired us.” Emma squeaked out a small thank you, wrestling the best she could with her insecurities. 

Everyone started talking excitedly behind the two. Emma turned in confusion to the source and her breath was taken away immediately. Alyssa had just strolled in, her proud walk and level shoulders radiating confidence. Emma walked over in a trance, not even knowing why. 

“God, I missed you.” Emma reached out and touched her arm.

“I saw you just yesterday,” Alyssa chuckled nervously, spinning a strand of hair around her finger. 

“I know that, I’m just excited, that’s all. Sorry.” Alyssa started to walk away, and Emma called out to her without hesitation. “I meant that I miss you and I’m sorry and – “

“Emma, we haven’t talked for months. You can’t mean it.” Alyssa took a step away from Emma and crossed her arms.

“I – “

“Now, that Alyssa’s here we can start the first meeting!” Everybody started to gather, some kids shuffling more nervously toward the group, some bounding and sharing secret smiles with someone next to them. 

“We’ll talk later,” Emma said quietly and intensely. 

Ruthie and Lilliana traded off talking about the purpose of the club and meeting times, but all Alyssa could think about was Emma’s quiet intensity and earnestness. She stole glances at her when she could, eventually becoming overwhelmed and just gave up, tapping her foot anxiously. 

“Right, Alyssa?”

“What?” 

“What this school needs is a place where kids can be safe and comfortable enough to come out in their own time.” Emma looked away from Alyssa, suddenly very interested in the zipper on her jacket. 

“Yeah. Definitely. You guys are really lucky.”

Everyone introduced themselves, some needing a little coaxing by Ruthie or Lilliana to reveal their sexuality or gender. Alyssa could have cried then and there for the kids who couldn’t even say what they were and looked fearfully around the room. It was almost like Alyssa was watching her younger self. 

Everyone dispersed into smaller groups once cake was passed out. Ruthie chewed thoughtfully on her lip, worry creasing her brow. Lilliana walked over and rubbed her back comfortably. She sat the on the edge of the seat, next to Lilliana, afraid to test Ruthie’s nerves. 

“Hey sugarplum, what’s wrong?” Ruthie gave her a quizzical look but turned her back to her again with a heavy sigh. “Yeah, it was seasonal and, on a whim, just ignore it.”

“I let everyone down, look at them they’re scared. What if they don’t trust me?” Ruthie panicked, running a hand through her hair. Lillian stopped her hand and caressed her hand with her thumb. 

“Weren’t you scared when you first realized who you were? Wasn’t it frightening to have to reveal a secret you’d been holding a long time?” Ruthie just shrugged. “Well, I was I only got the courage to do it when I was with people who understood me. You were the first who supported me, the real me. Do you know that.”

“I was?”

“Yes, you are the best thing that has happened to me, Ruthie Jenkins.” Lilliana laced her hands and scooted right to Ruthie on the couch. Ruthie sighed and rested her head against Lilliana’s shoulder. Her thoughtful frown still stuck around. Lilliana had to see her smile. “And the best student I’ve tutored. I’ve never gotten that close to any of students.”

“You are the best things that’s happened to me too,” Ruthie said, squeezing her hand, finally smiling. She sat up, her eyes bright with determination. “You’re right. It’ll just take a little work to reach them. Let’s start with the girl with the tragic haircut in the corner.”

Lilliana covered a laugh, with a poorly disguised cough. 

“You know I can’t stand your sass.”

“Sure.” Ruthie gave Lilliana a little peck on the lips and strode confident walk over to the nervous freshman.

Alyssa was finally able to escape the cascade of conversation around her. She could finally breathe comfortably. She leaned against the hallway and closed her eyes, savoring the blissful of sound of nothing.

“Alyssa? Can we talk now?” Emma nervously approached, rubbing her hands on her jeans. Her brain wanted to say no, but her heart was pulled toward Emma. 

“Sure. What do you want to say?” Alyssa still had hope that Emma would say the magic word that would release her heart from its eternal tug of war. 

“I miss you. And worse, I got mad at you for giving in to the pressure and I go and do the same thing.” Emma was being completely vulnerable. One look at her and her entire body language was foreign to Alyssa. “I’m sorry too, okay? I blew up at you for not coming out and that was a shitty thing to do. You were the only thing I had that was stable and it broke, but that’s no excuse. I just want you to know I’m not just a dick.”

For once, Alyssa let her heart have room to speak, instead of letting her brain put up barriers. 

“I miss you too. But I trusted you and then you yelled at me for the fake prom, when my mother was making me feel like shit. Did I tell you she said she wanted me to have prom like a normal girl? No. Because I was scared to bring up coming out to her to you. Some days I just wanted to blow up at you, but of course, because I have to be perfect all the time!”

“What if we build on what we had and try dating again,” Emma pleaded. She tentatively took a small step closer to Alyssa. She somehow seamlessly melded into Alyssa’s personal bubble. Emma’s half smile grew as she elaborated. “I’ll bring as much trust as I can to the relationship, I’ll be patient with your insecurities and we can both start being more honest with each other. We shouldn’t have to hold things back from each other. I want what’s best for you and I know you want what’s best for me. Alyssa, you’re the best thing for me. You made me a better person, you just weren’t around to see it.”

“Okay,” Alyssa said, her voice steady and sure as an overflowing dam could be. “We can try dating again. But – “

“I know, one mistake and – “Emma couldn’t quite finish the sentence. Emma took Alyssa’s hand with reverence. “Thank you for giving me a chance Alyssa.”

“You’re welcome.” Emma was close enough for Alyssa to smell the comforting scent of Emma’s jacket. Alyssa inched her hand up Emma’s harm, holding her as tenderly as porcelain doll. Alyssa could now see the old faded blonde streaks in Emma’s hair. “Is this okay?”

“Absolutely.” Their lips connected, light as a feather. Alyssa remembered the safe feeling of being in Emma’s arms like a foggy memory in the back of her mind. As the kiss deepened, the memory became less foggy and Alyssa could see the exact moment she had fallen in love with Emma.   
“Guys, where were you? We were waiting for you for – um, an important club announcement.” They both mouthed ‘sorry’ and rushed to a seat, faces red and hands connected. Ruthie raised an eyebrow but continued.

“Actually, we want you to come up front for this.” Alyssa pushed Emma up, excitedly clapping for her. 

Ruthie and Lilliana shared how Emma’s grandma had told them that her parents had broken her guitar, Emma wringing her hands more vigorously as the story went on. She kept trying to interrupt or get offstage, but the eyes pinned on her kept Emma in the limelight. 

“Your song changed all of our lives and we know that you can keep doing it if you have a guitar. You really were a godsend to us. So…” Emma gasped as her grandma walked out with all new guitar, even complete with the stickers Emma had on it before. 

“Everyone in this club and your grandma helped to pay for it, so you are not returning it because of the cost. You can do so much good Emma. We know you’ll repay us in the future with what you’ll do with it,” Ruthie said sternly. 

“You better take her seriously, I’ve seen her mad and you don’t want to see her mad,” Lilliana whispered. Emma stroked the shiny wood and hesitantly tried to form chords with her left hand. Emma had actually stopped playing before her guitar had been broken. She had tried to write other songs, but thinking of how high the expectations were, she would scrap any attempts she made.

“We thought you could maybe play the song you played in the video. If you feel okay with it, of course.” Emma took a shaky breath. Her first real audience and she was bound to screw this up. She hadn’t practiced in months. She sent a panicked look to Alyssa who was quick to come to her rescue and make an excuse that she didn’t hear. Alyssa guided her to her seat, though halfway Emma turned around with shaky legs and sat in front of everybody. 

“I will do it, but only if someone very special is there with me, even though she couldn’t be last time.” Emma held a hand out for Alyssa to come up. Alyssa walked up with a reserved smile, taking Emma’s hand. Alyssa sat down, with a lovestruck smile, and waited patiently for Emma to start. Emma stretched her weary fingers and looked out at the crowd. 

She formed the first chord shakily, strumming gently. She cleared her throat and started again, strumming strongly, her voice unsteady but sure. Alyssa put a reassuring arm on Emma’s back. Maybe Emma could manage this year after all.


End file.
